I'm sooo proud of myself!!!!!

Anja's solar system birthday cake!

I'm back baby!

Gone gone gone I've been gone so long.....

ooo bad song to get stuck in yer head, ouch!

*sigh*

amazing the twists and turns life's journey brings you on

so thankful I am able to appreciate them once again

sans cynicism

I've been avoiding posting because I didn't want to have to delve into my absense "publicly" and you know what? I don't have to! This is my blog and no one reads it so what ever *W*!!!

I have seen the proverbial light, I can feel the light and now I can breathe once again

time to move it along!

So glad to be experiencing summer!

smells so green and yummy

we have planted all kinds of veggies and working on the flower garden

my little courtyard oasis is slowly coming along

I got an umbrella for mother's day to protect my hot head!

I just can't handle the sun on my head for some reason

could be my natural bear skin hat???

I've cut a few inches off and now regret it! no weight to hold down the curls~~~

well now, painting will commence shortly

purchased an ice cream maker

homemade frozen stawberry yogurt soooo good

have to find a good chocolate recipe

umbrella, ice cream maker....I've pretty much insured a cold rainy summer!

you're welcome

All problems are illusions of the mind

from Eckhart Tolle (The Power of Now)

If you found yourself in paradise, it wouldn't be long before your mind would say "yes, but...." Ultimately, this is not about solving problems. It's about realizing that there are no problems. Only situations - to be dealt with now, or to be left alone and accepted as part of the "isness" of the present moment until they change or can be dealt with. Problems are mind-made and need time to survive. They cannot survive in the actuality of the Now.

~

Why make anything a problem? Isn't life challenging enough as it is? What do you need problems for? The mind unconsciously loves problems because they give you an identity of sorts. This is normal, and it is insane. "Problem" means that you are dwelling on a situation mentally without there being a true intention or possiblity of taking action now and that you are unconsciously making it a part of your sense of self. You become so overwhelmed by your life situation that you lose your sense of life, of Being. Or you are carrying in your mind the insane burden of a hundred things that you will or may have to do in the future instead of focusing your attention on the one thing that you can do now

sick and tired of being sick and tired!

I've been sick with some form of a cold for over a month now and to say that it is wearing on me would be an understatement....

grumpy!

Tomorrow I will return to my studio and try to reclaim something of myself.

Hoping also for a more substantial blog entry to accompany it as well!

whoop whoop!!

Happy Burthday to me!

41

ya that's right, you heard me

41!!!!

NOW WILL YOU TAKE ME SERIOUSLY!?

I'm a believer.

I've been thinking about spiritualism a lot lately. I used to be a very deeply connected spiritual individual. I'm sure anyone who's known me in my past would be very surprised at how cynical I've become and how removed I am from any sense of connection to our universe. It saddens me and I feel a lose. 

All of my life I have been a searcher, questing for deeper meaning. As a child growing up in an atheist family, I would tag along with friends to their churches on Sundays. I ate up religion classes in school, memorized scripture, and worked hard on my religion badge in Brownies! I read books on different forms of religion and was very enamored by the Jewish faith. I was a bit annoyed when as a teenager, an overzealous grandmother inundated me with Christian paraphernalia after witnessing me wearing a Star of David necklace. Yet, I still embraced God.

All that changed in my first year of university when I took an intro to Anthropology class. It seems that every culture past and present has a story. An explanation or series of rituals that explains their origins and connections to earth and others. So the question then became, if all cultures have a story then why should the Judo-Christian story be any different than all the rest? And it became apparent to me that there was no ONE true God. All beliefs and stories were all equally valid in their own contexts. I could no longer accept Genesis and the Bible as the unequivicol human story. 

While I couldn't accept any one institutionalized system of beliefs, I was fascinated by all of them. For although I no longer believed in God, I still had faith. I still felt a deeper connection and meaning existed in life. As an artist, I recognized my place in my culture's "superstructure". I recognized that I was a medium of sorts and provided a bridge between the practical and ethereal. I always developed and maintained a very strong spiritual base. An awe, a wonder and profound respect for the universe.

I've continued to "search" throughout my life but now looking inward as opposed to outward towards institutions. While living in New York I spent a great deal of time studying Quantum Physics and Buddhist teachings. I became increasingly aware that they were infact describing the same universe, one from a physical/scientific perspective and one from a spiritual perspective. Both are straightforward and practical: nothing is fixed or permanent; actions have consequences; change is possible. Both recognize a "oneness" or fabric to the universe. We are all connected sharing not only physical but spiritual matter. For the first time in my life I found a sense of inner peace. I have value because I exist not because of what I do or contribute.

So here I am 10 years later living amongst atheists. Embarrassed by my "silliness" yet also annoyed by intolerance. I see it as a lack of imagination. I liken it to the book by Yann Martel, The Life of Pi. An incredible story of a shipwrecked boy sharing a life raft with a savage tiger as they cross the Pacific Ocean. The entire book is gripping. In disbelief you are compelled to turn page after page drawn ever increasingly into an implausible story until you are wrapped up and invested in this incredible journey. In the final chapter, an alternate more realistic story is offered up describing the same journey. At the end you are asked which did you prefer, the implausible embellished imaginative story or the factual practical version? Why of course it was the story of the tiger! "And so it goes with God" is how the book ends.

I choose the more embellished imaginative story for my life. I need more. I need to believe there is more to life than the practical and all that meets the eye. If not, I would have been dead at the age of 15. In my life, in my world there is wonder, there is ideology, there is awe and there is faith. While I can't embrace an anthropomorphized creator god, I still believe that all things are connected, all things happen for a reason and that over time those reasons are revealed to us. I've witnessed it time and time again in my own life.

I embrace all peoples' right to believe or disbelieve... I am not threatened by it and appreciate it as a colour in their person.

looking to the east.....

2 new paintings underway. Had to leave the "google earth" painting for now. It needs some time... or I do....

Anyways I've switched back to the "east" and hope and nostalgia and optimism and warm-fuzzies! I love these paintings!!! I love painting them and looking at them and watching them slowly gel.... *sigh* yep, I know they are "schlocky" and steeped in rosy nostalgia, but I DON"T CARE!!!!! And it feels so good to say that. I'm working towards something/ somewhere and this is where I need to pass in order to get there. We can't all be "academic" conceptualists. I'm not an impartial "newscaster". I'm a medium of sorts and if I'm not going to use my Drea filter, then what's the point really. For me anyways. I guess I'm still shedding some "school baggage"! whew!

I think I'll include "in progress" photos on my website. I'm anxious to get more stuff up there because I've had people actually looking at it and lots of nice feedback.

I actually saw sun 2 days in a row, of course it's gone now... but what a difference some vitamin D makes! I've decided I need to get in shape! It's gotta be done. I need strength and I need my every joint and muscle to stop aching...this is no way to live! I would love to be able to run, I just imagine that it would be such an amazing "release". I have no release, not in a physical way and it can be crippling at times. That was one thing that the "shrink" asked me that resonated (among others!). "how do you get it out?" ...... um, I don't..... swallow....stuff.....change the channel, pretend it doesn't exist....sleep. And I understand that exercise releases seratonin, the happy hormone. I would love a nice big helping of that one! 

"happiness" is fleeting, "peace" is far more sustaining and realistic.

OHMmmmmmmmm...... I've never been able to meditate. In yoga class I would fall asleep during that portion... embarrassing! In university (the first time!;) I read an article that said that because "creatives" have different patterned brainwave function, they are unable to meditate. So there, an excuse that works for me in a positive light...maybe?! whatever.

I'm finalizing a 2 year plan that will get us back to Serbia! It's totally doable provided this "depression" (economic) stays to the south and we all remain employed!!! HOPE.